The magnificent life of Kevin Sorbo came to a tragic end yesterday. According to close friends and family, the Hercules actor, who has become one of the leading voices in Conservative America, died when the ATV he was driving overturned. He was alone at the time.
Sorbo, born Alexie Kevini Sorbowitz in Bosnia in 1962, made his way to fame as Hercules in one of the greatest television runs of all time. According to David Duchovney, for some reason, the sheer success of the show and the dedication of its cast were mind-boggling. “They took something that was just…so bad. And they managed to make it worse. Kevin’s hair was awesome, don’t get me wrong, but yeah. It’s one of those cult classic things. People love a hack. Kevin certainly fir the bill.”
Other Hollywood icons had similar sentiments. Michael Keaton said he would have given anything to have been a gay Johnny Dangerously opposite Sorbo instead of the wacky Taxi chick, but times were different. “Kevin and I had something special. And I still couldn’t get him a spot as an extra on Batman. That’s how ridiculous his acting was. God bless him. That show was a fricking miracle.”
Sorbo was divorced four times and had three children who became estranged when he “went full Q-nut,” or so they said. Sorbo believed in all of the things he was required to believe in order to be a MAGA Patriot. Nothing more, nothing less. As God intended.
Onward, Christian soldier. We’ll see you again in a great but seriously overdramatic sword fight in the sky.
