Much to the dismay of true religious believers worldwide, beloved American televangelist Pat Robertson has died at the age of 93. Making it all OK, though, is the 100% true fact that he left his entire estate to the Trump 2024 campaign. That’s $120 million for Trump!

Yes, patriots, Patrick “Moneybags” Robertson XV was a rich man, and he was also a YUUUUGE fan of the morally bankrupt conman, former President Donald Jacknut Trump. It might not make much sense that a right-wing televangelist preacher who got famous by hating gay people, women who have the audacity to think that they shouldn’t be subservient to men, and anyone who prays to someone other than the Baby Jesus (or no one at all) would support such a flagrant hypocrite like Trump…but he did.

Robertson amassed his fortune by bilking fearful, gullible morons out of their hard-earned cash. Those morons cheerfully sent their checks to Robertson to try to buy their way into heaven. Once you understand that these morons were such willing targets of Robertson’s charade, it makes total sense that they’d fall for Trump’s fear-based campaign. Robertson used religion to justify his hate; Trump lied about being religious to justify his. Two sides of the same coin, those two.

And now Robertson is dead, and his will has already been made public. From the great beyond he’ll continue to support the most hateful, vile, hypocritical fake Christian to ever occupy the Oval Office, to the tune of $120 million. Trump himself is reported to have asked if he can use the money to buy some porn stars (Melania hasn’t shared a bedroom with him since 9 months before Baron was born, after all). His other choices: pay some legal fees, maybe even fund a spine-implantation surgery for Kevin McCarthy.

God bless America, God bless Robertson’s money, and God bless the Trump campaign.*

* Just kidding.


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