The Gibson family has learned that their request to have their beloved father, grandfather, brother, uncle, step-cousin, and friend, Mel, buried on the hill where Jesus died in Golgotha has been approved by the Palestinian Christian Alliance that oversees the site. According to local custom, the “skull place,” is sacred ground that nobody can be buried on because Jesus Christ died on a cross there.

To most, however, it is ground spoiled with the bodily fluids of condemned thieves, rapists and murderers and not suitable for burial. That all changed when Mel Gibson came to town. According to the local historian A’rt al T’ubolls:

“Mr. Gibson rejuvenated the area when he filmed the crucifixion for Passion of the Christ here. People stopped seeing it as the birthplace of the demon from that movie with the guys from Clerks and remembered that this sacred place is where the Son of Man died.”

T’ubolls then pointed over his shoulder to the empty tomb with the stone rolled away to show just how important the area in general is and how much a tomb to someone like Mel Gibson will really increase property values:

“They’re talking about an entire theme, with this area being dedicated to Passion, obviously, and another area in town for other Gibson greats. We have plenty of desert to do a Road Warrior thing and Helen Hunt is coming to do the eulogy.”

It will be beautiful. Just what the family wanted. People will come to the hill at Golgotha, pay their respects to Mel, visit the spot where their sins were forgiven and tour the empty tomb of the Messiah. Mel died way too young, but he was definitely here for a bigger purpose. Now he will literally lie at the foot of the Lord, covered in the ancient dirt of holiness.