Rush Limbaugh knew he was going to die. When he was rushed to the hospital, it looked at first like a mild heart attack. Unfortunately, years of prescription amphetamine abuse and some bouts with crack had done irreparable damage to second myoinfarcted fallacial valve, which is basically the kiss of death. Knowing the end was near, Limbaugh ordered a huge dose of Dilaudid, which is basically hospital heroin so that he could nod off and die in peace. Before his nurse pushed the dose, he recorded a final message:

“Friends, fans…ugly Chelsea Clinton. For nearly 3 decades I have stood atop the ratings, speaking the truth and letting you all in on the inner workings of our corrupt government. Now, I tell you it is time to rise up. The only way to do that is to denounce socialism completely. You don’t need those checks or that healthcare. Tell them no and go buy your own. You can afford it. The longer people keep taking their Social Security entitlement checks and going to their socialist Medicare doctor, this country is doomed to be just like Norway, Sweden, or Finland.

Don’t let it happen, Patriots. Stop cashing those checks and going to those doctors if you love your country. God Bless You All.”

With that, the nurse pushed the drugs and Rush drifted off, went into total heart failure within minutes and died. He will never be forgotten. According to the Limbaugh family, President Trump will be invited to speak at his funeral and sample his extensive amphetamine collection. We will miss you, Rush. Go with God, soldier, take no wooden nickels.