Alyssa Milano’s big plan to replace her Tesla with a Volkswagon isn’t going quite according to plan.

First, she failed to see the irony in buying a car from a company started by Hitler. Then, she said enough mean things about the company to cost it real money, so Tesla filed a $200 million suit.

Then Volkswagon threatened to sue her because they don’t want her using their name either. Now, in the worst plot twist yet, her trusty new German car burst into flames in Soho, taking the car behind it.

Milano told the news she was speechless and was “sure MAGA Republicans did it.” When asked why she thought that she said, “how else would an electric car catch fire? There’s no gas.” She’s obviously not very well-versed on the subject.

The neighbor plans to sue her or her insurance company for the fire. The local police say the most likely suspect was the car itself, but after further inspection, they found that the blaze started underneath the car in a bucket of diesel fuel and that “f*ck you Elon hater” had been scratched into the hood before it melted away. Three men in red hats were filmed running from the scene. They fled in a pickup truck with fake nuts.

Milano, of course, can’t see that this is yet another Antifa black op and that she was targeted by her own side, but that’s her problem. We know the truth.

God bless Republican America.


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