Another death is being laid at Alec Baldwin’s feet, patriots, and there’s little doubt he’s involved. His only conservative family member, brother Adam Baldwin, was found dead under “suspicious circumstances.”

The medical examiner hasn’t stated that there’s evidence of a crime, but she also won’t rule out foul play. According to an intern working for the hospital’s custodial provider, they don’t know much at all:

“There’s not a whole lot to tell at this point. We went in and asked some questions like you wanted us to, but they didn’t have answers.”

It’s unfortunate that we weren’t able to get a better source, but that will have to be close enough. You heard it right here, from the horse’s mouth’s custodial intern: Adam Baldwin was most likely murdered.

The Baldwin family hasn’t responded to our requests for comment since our first call. That was then they figured they’d just blow off the journalists and claim the two are distantly related and weren’t even a little bit close.

We know better. We’ve seen 30 Rock and we’ve seen Firefly. If those two aren’t related, I’m not a real journalisticator.

We’d like to wish the family the best, even though they deny they know him, and offer our prayers, even though they’re Godless liberals.

God bless America.


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