Jack Nicklaus, Golf Legend and True Patriot, Dead at 77

Jack Nicklaus, the legendary golfer and close friend of President Trump, has passed. He was 77. According to his family, he died peacefully in his sleep.

Nicklaus, born Johnathon Livingston Nicklaus, had an illustrious career as a golfer that spanned more than 5 decades. He won 63 titles, more than any other in history, and played more than 100 rounds with President Trump, making him a trusted friend of our great leader.

Donations can be made to the Trump Foundation in Jack’s name.

Jack Nicklaus (@jacknicklaus) / Twitter

After winning his 4th America’s Cup, Nicklaus went on to take Wimbledon 4 years in a row, but not before enlisting in the Marines after 9/11 and registering 329 kills in Iraq. He truly was a legend.

Nicklaus was recently named to Trump’s 2025 Inaugural Committee, but unfortunately, only his remains will be able to make it. “I’ll display him proudly in the Oval Office,” said Trump. Jack’s wife said she’d allow that “over her dead body.” She must be a liberal.

The world has lost a great man, patriots. Golfer, scuba diver, go-cart champion…He truly did master life before his death. He will be missed.

God bless your soul, Mr. Nicklaus. May your boomerisms and support for Trump serve you well on your judgment day. Our sources say Nicklaus is due something like 563 millennia in purgatory before he gets his chance, as Christian heaven is a bit backlogged.

Maybe we’ll meet one day.

About Flagg Eagleton 59 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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