Al Gore, Protector of Earth, Dead at 78


He was the vice President of the United States.  Twice.  He invented the internet, the cell phone, and brought light to the world regarding the process of global climate change that kicked off a revolution of people actually caring about being good stewards of their home.

     And also maybe cuddling a few beavers.

On Monday, Albert Escariot Gore was found dead in his log cabin home in Queefnami, Japan at the age of 78.  He was discovered by his nephew, Malfour Gore on his way home from a climate party in a car made of paper and running on hydrogen.

Doctor Joe Konders spoke briefly to the press outside of the windproof bubble surrounding the home.

“Mr. Gore has passed away under very mysterious circumstances.  Or maybe not.  I mean, not passed away.”

“Al Gore isn’t 78, for one thing.  For another, the body found is loaded with traces of tachyons, which is evidence of time travel.  Also, he has a tattoo of Florida that says : ‘Viva New Cuba.’  So that’s weird.”

Gore had last been seen trying to find the “ultimate proof” to “wake people up” on the subject of climate change, and had vanished more than a year ago into the jungle.

Did Gore find what he was looking for at the expense of his life?  Is he in the future now, dodging carbon mutants and shooting clean energy rifles at conservative doubters?  We can only hope.

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