Larry Bird, born Lawrence Birtonovich in a small town in Indiana, led an amazing life full of adventure and winning. He won a scholarship to his favorite college.
He won the 1st pick of the NBA draft in 1977. He won more basketball games and awards and championships than any other player in history.
Then, he joined with Trump, took the lead on his Indiana Super PAC, and won the hearts of patriotic Americans.
Larry Bird has left us. The medical examiner says it might be some time before we know exactly what happened, as they’re pretty swamped in rural Indiana these days.
We do know that his passing was peaceful, and that he spoke to his wife and seven sons before he moved on.
Rest in peace and power, Larry Bird. we hope you’re up there shooting hoops with Kareem Abdul Jabaar.
A spokesman for the hospital told our source to get out.
What we do know is that the legendary hoopster was taken to the local hospital for what was supposed to be a routine chest pain exam, but they couldn’t get past the hoardes of unvaccinated sick people looking for the real cure, monochrominal antibloodies.
Bird died in the back of the ambulance, mostly because they were out of aspirin. Such a shame, but also a fitting end. To this story anyway.
God Bless America