Al Sharpton, Civil Rights Icon, Passes Away


“If you fall behind…walk faster.” – Jesse Jackson.

The small house on the corner of Barron and Batt streets in Brooklyn, NY is nondescript and inoffensive in it’s humility.  Inside, one would never suspect that the most influential and respected civil rights icon in modern history was there, tucked away in a queen-sized bed, breathing what would be his final breath.

Surrounded by family and loved ones, the Reverend Al Sharpton passed away this morning at the age of 133.  Sharpton had been suffering from acute muthafukkitis for several years, a rare condition brought on in black people who are constantly accused of not paying their taxes by whites who dribble when they speak.

“Doeth anyone know what kind of pillow he plotzed on?”

“Uncle Al”, as he was known around his neighborhood, began his civil rights career by making conversation with noted leader Rosa Parks, and banging her in the front seat of a city bus.  This was known as the “Mississippi Banging.”

From there, the unshaken and proud Nubian marched with Dr. Martin Luther King across the Brooklyn Bridge where King was later assassinated while waving at fans and eating a taco bell crunchwrap.

Through the years, Reverend Sharpton could be seen wherever racial disharmony reared it’s ugly head, from rallies against former President Trump, to rallies for former President Trump.  He was also active in groups that opposed the giant orange parade balloon during both of his campaigns.

Sharpton also found minor fame with roles in assorted television and movie programs, including such shows as “Third Rock From the Sun”, and MTV’s “Wondershowzen”, and the Warner Brothers release “The Last Dragon.”  Sho Nuff.

The role will be played by D’Nesh D’Souza in the coming R’Eeboot.

“Is Al Sharpton really dead?”, many mourners are asking themselves.  Well, no, not really.  This is a satirical page after all.  But he could be.  And on that dark and stormy day, we shall remember the man who made a real dent in “Boston Legal.”  Denny Crane.

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