Maureen “Marsha Brady” McCormick Dies – A Tea Party Icon

WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT.

A teen star and heartthrob took her final curtain call this week as actress, humanitarian, and political activist Maureen McCormick passed away in her Queefland, Florida home. She was 95 years old.

McCormick was best known for her role as the eldest sister “Marsha Brady” on the classic 70’s/80’s sitcom “The Brady Bunch”, and was beloved by an entire generation of masturbatory teenage baby boomers. Her bright fresh face and almost ridiculously innocent portrayal of the character made her one of the top five residents of that era’s spank bank.

Brady was surrounded by loved ones in her home after succumbing to a severe nasal injury from a freak football accident, which had, for years, been slowly pushing cartilage into her brain, similar to a deadly martial arts move. The injury had been exasterbated by her unfortunate exposure to a “bad luck” cursed Tiki idol, found in Obama’s home state of Hawaii. Coincidence?

There was also a small envelope with traces of anthrax scribbled “with love from Oliver.”

Family friend and former producer for both the Partridge Family and the Monkees, Sandy “Grooveline” Batt, shed some light on the last days of the former lead singer of such hits as “Time to Change”, “Keep On”, and “Hangar 18.”

“Marcia was very into President Trump, and wanted all her money and memorabilia from the Brady Bunch program to go to his re-election campaign. She’s always seemed very friendly and approachable, but her real fans know that she hated poor people, minorities, and women. A true modern teabagger Republican. She killed that dog, you know. From the show. Tiger. Just for fun.”

Services for Maureen and the rest of the McBrady family will be held next week at the Jewish Community Center of greater Queefland. Catering is being provided by Sam’s Butchery and House of Penile Prestidigitation.

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