Role Model, Leader, Hillary Clinton, Dies at 73


At one point, during the height of her popularity just before running an historic campaign for the Presidency, Hillary Rodham Clinton was the most recognized and admired woman in the world.

Her list of accomplishments was staggering – First Lady, senator, Secretary of state, presidential frontrunner, not to mention mother, grandmother, businesswoman, author and activist.  Mrs. Clinton wore a lot of hats.

The pol will be laid to rest near the tomb of her brother, James Rodham Kirk.

All of those hats fell sadly empty of life this last Saturday night at the legendary bastion of femininity and power passed away from extensive injuries in Our Lady of the Queef hospital in Tonawanda, New York.

Personal friend and Benghazi advisor Sandy Batt explained the sad and bizarre circumstance leading to the American hero’s death.

“Hill had been giving a speech and meet and greet at an industrial electronics plant in Pennsylvania.  After she finished, she was looking for a place to freshen up, and became disoriented in a maze of research and development laboratory rooms for household electronics.”

“One she unfortunately entered contained several dozen microwave ovens, all operating on a timed system.  Each unit’s door was open, and set to activate a ‘popcorn’ protocol.  Mrs. Clinton was immediately bathed with over 350 gigahertz of radiation, resulting in a situation of internal bodily meltastisizing.”

Mrs. Clinton, shown here after reconstructive surgery some doctor just did because, you know, why the hell not at this point.

After being flown for immediate medical attention, doctors delivered the fateful news that since the First Lady had not been properly rotated or placed on a clean paper towel, her organs had fallen into mortal states of disrepair.

Remembered by millions of adoring fans, her husband, two-term President Bill Clinton, daughter Chelsea and her close and extended family, the woman who would have beaten Donald Trump if boomers weren’t so gullible about the internet, will be laid in state this coming week and buried at Arlington cemetery.

It is a sad day in American history.  As we mourn the loss of a real leader, we also grieve the terrible fact that her rival, Donald Trump, still lives.

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