Drew Carey, Former Marine and Avid Trump Supporter, Dead at 64

Drew Carey has left us. The former star of his self-named show, improv master, and beloved host of The Price is Right has died at just 64-years-old.

Carey was a marine and loved his president. According to his former drill sergeant, Carey was a go-getter who never stopped trying to better himself:

“After his heart attack, he gave up cheeseburgers, which — if you knew Drew — was an amazing accomplishment. He had a great plan. Every time he was tempted to have a burger, he sent the money he would have spent to the Trump campaign instead. He singlehandedly raised neary $4K last year alone. In 2020, he raised a bit less, but that’s because Whoppers are now on the two for five menu.”

His friends and family will always remember him for being a warm, caring soul who never looked quite right as a thin guy. His dog, Buster, hasn’t stopped crying since his passing.

Donald Trump released a statement that his kids will cherish forever:

“He turned us down for Celebrity Apprentice but I wasn’t mad. That show had great ratings, so without him we still did amazing things. And that’s what he was about. Amazing things. Like my rallies. So full of good people. God-fearing people with a love for America that you just don’t see. And we made it great again. And even without him, still greater than with Obama. And Sleepy Joe will say he’s better off dead because he doesn’t remember the time we did all those things and made it all greater again. Sad.”

Carey passed during an improv routine while pretending to die during an improv routine. He was that good at improv.

Donations to the Drew Carey Improv Fund for Comedians Who Aren’t Famous Yet are being accepted at Burger Kings across the country. Some have lowered their flags and renamed the Whopper the Parma Delight. If you don’t get the reference that’s your problem.

God bless you, Drew Carey. You will be missed.

About Flagg Eagleton 43 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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