Popular Conservative Dan Bongino, Dead at 44

The truth is right in front of you

Conservative commenter, former New York City police employee, and Secret Service Agent died today during a medical procedure. He was 44.

The exact details surrounding Bongino’s death are unclear.

He was scheduled to undergo surgery to remove a tumor from his neck. A team of five medical professionals was in the room when the tumor began to pulsate as if something was trying to get out.

Nursing assistant and Ridley Scott fan Arnold Schwarzenegger saw the movement on Bongino’s neck and immediately left the room after screaming “It’s not a toomuh!”

Closed-circuit video footage showed a creature burst out of Bongino’s neck as he screamed in agony. Blood sprayed through the entire room as the creature quickly and ruthlessly killed everyone in the room and escaped through an air vent.

Conservative Tears reporter Trish Blake caught up with Mr. Schwarzenegger to learn how she knew to get out of the room.

“If I had my cat with me, he could have warned them and we could have burned the patient alive and killed that thing. It was like the Alien movies, except it was his neck and not his chest. It was a mini xenomorph!

As soon as his neck started to pulse, I knew what was happening and got out of there. I always got laughed at for watching movies like that and for looking for things like that. Who’s laughing now? Not them! They’re dead!”

Democrats all across the country are fighting to protect the xenomorph, who they are calling a hero, despite the danger to all life on the planet.

Campaigns are now selling stuffed xenomorphs as kids’ toys to raise money for their candidates.

Some have even offered to give the xenomorph a ride to the Trump properties so that it can finish off what it started: death to The Trump family and all who support them.

Bongino died as he lived. Afraid of illegal aliens.

He just didn’t expect to be taken down by the interstellar variety.

May he rest in peace.

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