Hulk Hogan, Wrestling Icon and Beloved Trump Supporter, Dead at 64

Terrence “Terry” Johansen Bolleander, otherwise known as Hulk Hogan, has passed away of natural causes. He was 64.

According to the Volusia County, Texas Medical Examiner, Hogan was found alone in his house, peacefully at rest in his favorite chair.

Hulk’s family has asked for privacy during this time, noting how difficult it was to lose him so suddenly. His daughter, Laureli Hershwegeler Bolleander, says the family is devastated:

“This just goes to show that you never know. Dad was fine just the other day. To think that all it took was 11 minutes with an escort and some auto-erotic asphyxiation and his heart just stopped.

“His doctor says he had a genetic defect, which may be why he supported Donald Trump. They had so much in common.

“We’re just shocked. The Gawker money will make it easier, but still. We lost him way too young.”

The family’s attorney said that Terry had a will, and that he left nearly half of the Gawker money to the Trump campaign:

“He must have known he was gonna die. Otherwise, why all the fentanyl? Anyway, Terry was a good guy and he wanted to do everything in his power to help Trump.

“He always said he felt a little sorry for him because of his small hands, but he loved Trump water and couldn’t resist flying around in the Trump Airlines jet he bought at auction in 1993 for $96.

“The rest of the money will be divided up between his 7 kids, with a decent portion going to care for his estate, which will now become a mecca for feral opossum, at Terry’s request.”

Such a huge loss. Vince McMahon says the WWE will hold a tribute show and 4 pay-per-views in his honor, and that they’ll be offering a retro Hogan doll with a necktie to mimic how he was found for $700.

God bless you, Terry Hulk Hogan. You were the best of us.

About Flagg Eagleton 43 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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