Champion Football Coach Lou Holtz, Dead at 89

The truth is right in front of you

Former football coach Lou Holtz, affectionately known as Granny Faust to his closest friends, died late last night. He was 89.

Holtz, who recently gave a rambling and nonsensical speech at the Republican National Convention in which he seemed to think he was the Depends spokesperson, died after he realized that he had fulfilled the dream of every man: stumping for our Dear Leader Donald Trump.

Holtz was one of the most underachieving college football coaches of all time. Give him a roster with all of the talents in the world and he’d still find a way to blow it.

The Domers would have had 5 or 6 championships during his tenure if he was even an average coach.

He was also a quitter. In 1976, as the head coach of the New York Jets, he quit with one game left on the schedule and completely ruined Joe Namath’s last season as a Jet.

Holtz also worshipped the almighty dollar above all else. As a thank you to Notre Dame, he looked the other way when an embezzlement scandal was taking place and screwed over his successor. Yet, he had the nerve to call Joe Biden a “Catholic in Name Only”?

Legendary Notre Dame Superfan Jeff Parris spoke with America’s Last Line of Defense’s Joe Barron about Holtz.

“Shoot, I thought already he was dead. When I think of Lou Holtz, I think of him comparing a coach to Adolf Hitler, openly supporting Jesse Helms, and being the most overrated head coach in the history of the university. He probably thought he was a good Catholic because he went to church.

When I heard him talking about Donald Trump, I had to pull over because I was laughing so hard! A guy that supports Trump calling someone else a ‘Catholic in Name Only‘? That had to be the funniest thing I’ve ever heard or seen! I would have loved to see his face when he got to where he went after he croaked.”

The world is a much more poor place now that Holtz is dead. Heaven just got themselves a football coach and word is that the Trump campaign got several million dollars from his estate.

Honor the memory of Coach Holtz and vote Donald Trump this November!

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