Joe Pesci, Major Trump Contributor, Dead at 79

The truth is right in front of you

Mob film actor and loyal Trump supporter Joe Pesci was found dead in the back of an old police patrol car near the East River in New York City. He was 79.

Pesci was best known for starring in a host of mob films and the Lethal Weapon franchise. He also recorded several studio albums as a musician.

In 1979, he stirred up controversy when he beat Oscar the Grouch within an inch of his life during a live production of Sesame Street. Millions of Gen X’ers are still traumatized from witnessing that unprovoked assault.

Detectives were able to make a big break in the case by reviewing area surveillance film. What they found was shocking. It appeared that he was killed by one of his costars from the Lethal Weapon franchise, Mel Gibson.

Detective Joseph Fontana from the 27th Precinct was able to lift some audio from the surveillance video to learn what actually happened.

“Mel Gibson and the deceased met up at Cannon’s Pub on Broadway and it looked like they were having a great time catching up. They had a few drinks down and it seemed like something just snapped in Gibson. He started calling Pesci “Leo”, like his character name in Lethal Weapon.

You know that Riggs didn’t like Leo a whole lot in those movies. Pesci tried everything to get out of the situation, but Gibson was too strong. He stole an old police car, shoved Pesci into the back of it, and obviously inflicted a lot of blunt force trauma, which was how we found him.”

In lieu of flowers, the Pesci family is requesting donations to the Trump campaign. The Pesci estate itself is donating $5,000,000 to help to Keep America Great Again.

Rest in peace, patriot.

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