Candace Owens, Conservative Firebrand, Dead at 36

The truth is right in front of you

Conservative commentator Candace Owens, who saw the light that our Dear Leader Donald Trump was sent by God, tragically and unexpectedly died during an outpatient medical procedure. She was 36.

Candace Owens was an idealistic and naive liberal at an early age that went as far as to criticize then-candidate Trump while she was being paid Soros bucks while working for Vogue magazine. She was actually so far left that she openly wished death on conservatives in favor of a new globalist order to rush socialism and communism into the United States.

While working at Vogue, she suffered a near-fatal head injury when she slipped on the break room floor when she hit a spot of coffee that Sandy Batt spilled. She was in the hospital for about a week. Vogue gave her an injury settlement of $4.2 million.

The head injury actually had the benefit of making turning Ms. Owens into a conservative. She saw the wisdom in Trump’s ideas and the Republican party. She finally saw the Democrats for the evil incarnate beings that they are. A few months after her head injury and hospital stay, she ran into a young man named George, who was at the hospital at the same time she was for a similar injury.

The two hit it off and soon married, spreading their opinions on Twitter and Fox News like they were gospel…which they were because Trump said them first. Everything was going great for the happy couple.

As a gift for her husband’s 41st birthday, Ms. Owens decided that she would have an elective medical procedure to remove all of her melanin to make her transition to being a full Republican complete. Dr. Nick Riviera began the procedure and everything was going well until Ms. Owens went into shock and sadly, never recovered.

She is survived by her husband George and their two ant farms.

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