Joe Arpaio, America’s Toughest Sheriff, Dead at 89

Joe Arpaio, former Sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona, has died at the age of 89. Best known for being sued for various violations of the Constitution, not investigating sexual crimes against children, buying a tank, ignoring court orders, being incoherent at the 2016 Republican National Convention, and spying on a Federal judge’s wife, the former Sheriff was seeking to be back in the public eye.

The former sheriff was focused on being re-elected, believing the voters of the county to be gullible fools who missed him. Since Arizona voted for Donald Trump in 2016, he definitely had a chance.

Arpaio reportedly collapsed when he tried to chase a brown person out of his neighborhood in the Maryvale district of Phoenix.

County coroner Joe Barron performed the autopsy and spoke with our own Glenn Stanley,

“We were floored. We were thinking heart attack. We couldn’t find a heart, nor any evidence that there ever was a heart in Arpaio’s body.

It turns out that the actual cause of death was due to a lack of anyone paying attention to him. After he was pardoned by Trump for investigating a judge, he had a laughable run for Senate.

After everyone was done laughing at him, he faded into fatal obscurity.”

The burial of the Sheriff is expected to be attended by 3 or 4 people, including David Duke and Pamela Geller, who are afraid of the same things that Arpaio also hated.

President Trump reached out with a note to Joe Arpaio to get well but then retracted saying, “I like former sheriffs that didn’t die.”

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