Rush Limbaugh Told He Has Only Weeks To Live

Rush Limbaugh, hero of conservatism and winner of the prestigious Medal of Freedom, has been told by his doctors that he may only have weeks to live. According to our source inside the Limbaugh family, their patriarch isn’t long of this world:

“Papa Rush is about to meet his maker. While we’re saddened that we’ll be losing him, we’re happy that his sudffering will come to an end. We’ve known since he made the announcement that there was no recovering, as this was most certainly an act of God. God wants him as an angel to watch over the rest of us.”

Limbaugh, who is well-known as someone the right can count on, won’t be broadcasting anymore. His show will come to an end this week as he leaves the studio to say goodbye to his family and friends. According to his lawyer,k Art Tubolls, he’s also made arrangements to continue supporting Donald Trump from the ever-after:

“Rush is making sure that his kids don’t get hit with a death tax by putting the bulk of his estate in negotiable bearer bonds and donating nearly $10 million to Trump’s re-election campaign. One thing is certain: Rush won’t be forgotten.”

That’s true. From his very first broadcast to the time he called a teenage girl a “dog” to all of his racist, bigoted comments the snowflakes don’t like, Rush Limbaugh has been a staple of conservatism. He embodies everything we believe and isn’t afraid to say it out loud.

We’re proud to have had you on our side, Rush. God bless you.

About Flagg Eagleton 43 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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