Duck Dynasty’s Si Robertson Found Dead

POSSIBLE FOWL PLAY

Shocking news from the Duck Dynasty compound. Silas Robertson, also known as Uncle Si, was found unresponsive in the woods just a few miles south from the DD equipment warehouse.

Family spokeswoman Sandy Batts told reporters:

“It is with much sadness to announce that Uncle Si is gone. They finally got him. Those bastards.”

Little is known as to “who” she is referring to in the statement.

Uncle Si was an ardent Trump supporter. In fact, he believed in the cause so much, he has left his portion of the Dynasty to Trump’s 2020 campaign, with explicit instructions that any leftover funds are placed in a trust for Ivanka’s 2024 campaign. Such a patriot. Such a believer in the cause.

Rumors are swirling around the holler regarding Uncle Si’s cause of death. There were strange semi-circle marks all over his mangled body, indicating he was attacked. Feathers were left in an odd patten around the scene, as if to mock his career as a duck caller bobble pusher.

A full investigation is underway to determine cause of death. Fowl play is suspected.

Uncle Si was born on a farm in rural Louisiana. His mother Virginia and father Everett were good, God-fearing people. Uncle Si was raised to love Jesus, and America.

The Trump Campaign issued a statement thanking the Robertson family for their unwavering support during this time of loss.

“In a final, single, selfless act, Uncle Si is looking out for everyone in this country. His contribution of $50 million will fund thousands of Facebook ads selling plastic gold cards as exclusive memberships for the Trump Train. We are forever grateful for his service.”

One more, “Hey Jack!” for Si!

About Norbert Heck 3 Articles
There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand. You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel. So long, Dott.

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