Conservative Historian Dinesh D’Souza Dies at 58


He was controversial.  He was magical.  He was a convict.  His movies about imaginary history, fantastical tales of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama rubbed the genetalia of conservative pundits and teabagging drool banks who watched him “own” liberals in youtube videos with his re-imagining of reality.  Dinesh D’Souza, proof that wearing glasses does not necessarily make you smart, is gone to his reward today at the age of 58.

Also 58 : Donald Trump’s waistline.

D’Souza began as an immigrant from Bangladesh, moving to Brooklyn in the 1970’s to be employed as a human footstool in a Sears warehouse. There he saved enough money to attend the New York School of Shoddy Filmmaking, where his student film debut : “How The Moon Is Actually Square” garnered the worst reviews in the institution’s history.  Non-plussed, the diminutive Dinesh quit, and began making his own movies with friend and lovemaking partner Rupert Murdock.  Fame came like a tiny poke in the ass as dozens of people opposite-of-flocked to independent theaters in over 3 states to wet themselves to alternative facts and rewritten history that made republicans appear smart, somehow.

D’Souza passed away early Saturday morning from auto-erotic asphyxiation, found hung with a series of tied-together Twizzlers while footage of Donald Trump’s cameo in “Home Alone 2” played on a television on a continuous loop.   He had been wearing a My Little Pony costume.

It’s currently making the police evidence room 35% ginchier.

As stated in his will, his finances, possessions, and the rights to all of his works will be donated to the Trump 2020 campaign, and services will be held next Wednesday at Doug’s Chili Pit ‘N All That Shit off highway 90.

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