Dateline : April 27th, 2019 – El Maricon, Venezuela. Authorities are seeking more information regarding the sudden disappearance of former Presidential candidate and first lady Hillary Clinton. At this time, local policia believe the controversial politician may have been swallowed whole by an E. murinis, commonly known as a green anaconda.
Sources say Clinton, fearing renewed interest in prosecution by the Trump administration, traveled to the socialist Mecca in order to secure a hidden E-mail server somewhere in the marshy southern region. Clinton’s guide spoke to the media through a translator:
“Meesus Cleenton, she say she looking for metal computer box, eet bury somewhere by Las Aguas Peligrosas. I see her deeging in the place there, and then come the snake, from above in the tree. It very very big, open mouth and eat Meesus Cleenton like chalupa. All one time. How you say : Swallowed.”
Several squadrons of Special Forces units have been dispatched to the area to aid local law enforcement in the investigation, which is, sadly, what she should have done for our boys in Benghazi.