Philanthropist. Animal rights activist. Master carpenter. Homosexual hero. None of these describe former Beatle Ringo Starr, who passed away this morning at the age of 82, a victim of an ongoing battle with rickets. Starr is survived by his wife, and twin poodles, “Jeannie” and “Master.”
The stately Tower of Queefenshire in Liverpool rang the bell of St. Swithin in mourning as the news broke, and Queen Elizabeth slowly scratched one ear in sad regret, a testament to the musician’s fame and respect. Her Highness has only previously made the haunting gesture when the television show “Firefly” was cancelled.
Starr stipulated in his will that the royalties, amassed and ongoing for his music be donated to the Trump 2020 campaign. As an Englishman, he was torn by not having the ability to vote for one of his idols, and would often bring the American President up in conversations with members of his “All-star Band”, once causing keyboardist/vocalist Howard Jones to soil himself in anger. Jones said of the incident that he neither wanted to be “hip and cool”, nor did he wish to : “play by the rules.”
Ringo will be sorely missed by his fans, friends, and family, but at least he generously left America a lasting gift of more Trump. Thank you, master of the sticks. May St. Peter fill your yellow submarine with LSD.