Bill Murray Dead at 81 – Wanted To See ‘Americans United Under Trump’

William Billington “Bill” Murray is dead this evening in his home in Winnetka, Wisconsin. Murray, who left public life a few years ago to pursue a more conservative lifestyle, found out he was dying about three months ago but decided not to make a big deal out of it.

According to his spokesman and lawyer, Art Tubolls, Murray left very simple instructions for his passing:

Bill wanted to see America unite under President Trump and come together to fight against all the things he’s fought against his entire career. When he wrote the movie Ghostbusters he used Slimer as an example of how feeding something causes dependence. Stripes was to teach the average American that anyone can be a hero if the timing is right.

Bill Murray was a great man. He’s been divorced from his wife, Anne Murray, for nearly 20 years, but they always kept in touch. He died with no family and leaves his estate to the the “Future Trumps of America Children’s Brigade,” which is a non-profit organization that takes kids as young as 5 years old and teaches them all about the dangerous people in society who want to hurt us.

Bill had his best friends and his dog, Bob, at his side when he passed. He and Bob will be creamated together and spread over the house Home Alone was made in, as it was Murray’s most famous production of all time.

Rest in peace, Mr. Murray. You were funny in Caddyshack. Chevy Chase can suck it.

About Flagg Eagleton 21 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.