World Mourns Rock Icon, Left Billions For Border Wall

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Marking today as the day the Earth truly stood still, reports came sadly from the East End of London that rock and roll legend Mick Jagger had passed away at age 75.  Sir Mick had been the lead singer of classic rock band The Rolling Stones for more than 50 years.

Richards and the winner of the Golddigging Society’s Award of Excellence 2019, 23-year old Melanie Something.

Reports are still preliminary, but London Chief Squire Coronors believe Jagger’s death to be linked to a chronic vaping addiction.  The entertainer had quit smoking a year ago, and had picked up the far more dangerous habit of vaping several toxic flavors of pussified tobacco on a nearly hourly basis.

Oh good. A glass dick I have to plug in and charge up to suck.

Although technically a citizen of Great Britain, Jagger maintained three residences in the United States, and was very active in American political discourse.  An ardent supporter of President Trump, the “Satisfaction” crooner directed the executor of his multi-billion dollar estate to release more than 8 billion to Donald Trump with the expressed directive that it be used to build the border security wall.  One last gift to us.  Thank you, Mr. Jagger.  Here’s hoping the devil will return your sympathy.

The video Mike Pence used to try to pray away. You’re forgiven, boys.