Henry Beauregard Winkler, also fondly known as Arthur Fonzarelli — or the Fonz — has passed away quietly at his home in Queens. A lifelong member of the NRA and avid Trump Supporter, Winkler spent the bulk of his life alone, reading, making movies, and creating a relationship with God some would never see.
According to family spokesman, Art Tubolls:
“Henry was a loner. He has numerous cousins, nieces and nephews, but his first love was always God and hunting. He spent more time with Charlton Heston in the 80s than any one man should. Last year he spent nearly 4 months in a tent on Ted Nugent’s canned hunt farm. He really loved getting back to nature.”
Winkler’s estate, valued at more than 40 times what Scott Baio managed to amass, will be split up between his favorite charities and the Trump 2020 campaign. His nephew, Ralph “Malph” Peterson (no relation to the show character), says he wanted nothing more than to see Trump win reelection and build that wall:
“He went so far as to start a letter-writing campaign against Hillary Clinton. He wanted her prosecuted for murdering those men in Benghazi. We’re having her investigated, but if she did this we’ll never catch her.”
The coroner says the Fonz died of natural causes at the very moment the hospital vending machine stopped working. Nobody could fix it. Rest in peace, Fonz.