Richard Petty Dead at 81 – President Trump ‘Heartbroken’

Richard Petty is headed for that racetrack in the sky, where he can turn left at over 200 MPH for eternity. At 81, Petty was one of the best-known and well-respected figures in NASCAR history. He won 17 Winston Cups and the Jet Blue Super Bowl Sweepstakes. He took home the trophy from Daytona 7 times. Only Dale Earnhardt Junior won more.

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Petty’s number one claim to fame, however, is his friendship with President Donald Trump. According to Communications and Propaganda Minister for the Trump 2020 Campaign, Art Tubolls:

“President Trump’s list of close friends is getting smaller. Some turned out to be Democrats or decent people and some have died. Richard Petty was a golfing buddy. They played in Florida almost every weekend until the election, then they dropped to 3 times a month since Trump was too busy and needed the 4th weekend to relax with friends and an escort.”

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The Trump campaign was quick to correct “escort” to “Secret Service Escort,” though Tubolls seemed to think otherwise for some reason. Petty will be buried in a casket bearing his team name and car numbers along with the Trump 2020 decal from the tailgate of his Dodge RAM. Petty will be buried at the inner track of Daytona along with Dale Earnhardt, Clemson Milsner and Ricky Bobby.

About Flagg Eagleton 62 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.