Loretta Lynn is losing her 11-year battle with myoblastican carcinomegenic myopsin (cancer of the third vomalcular mistantulin). She will no longer be able to stay in her penthouse at Caesar’s Palace and will instead move into the Las Vegas National Cemetery and Hospice House.
As a 12-year veteran of World War II, Ms. Lynn will be buried with full military honors when she passes in a site she’ll be able to see from her bedroom window until the time comes. Director of Veteran Deaths and Burial Affairs, Art Tubolls, told MSCVR:
“Ms. Lynn will be buried by members of the elite Coast Guard 4th Infantry, which will deliver her 21-gun salute from the USS Ronald Reagan, docked in Lake Michigan. The shots will be heard in Loretta’s home town of Skokie, Illinois.”
Loretta will spend her final days eating whatever she wants and drinking Three Olives martinis. Her estate, valued at nearly $70 million, will be donated to the 2020 Donald Trump campaign since her children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren are all grown with money of their own.
The director of the hospice says Lynn will have a beautifully decorated private room with a menu that includes absolutely anything available in Las Vegas. The cost is over $700k per month, but since she might not last the weekend, it’s definitely worth it.
God Bless, Loretta. We’re praying for you!