Pat Sajak is retiring, and Whoopi Goldberg will replace the veteran game show host on Wheel of Fortune. That show should just go off the air instead of hiring Whoopi!

Pat Sajak is an American treasure. He’s a God-fearing Trump-supporting conservative who has reportedly considered canceling his retirement in order to to keep Whoopi away from his Wheel. The brass at the network don’t care, though, and they’re ready to shake things up. ddd

Everyone knows that Whoopi Goldberg has been fired from The View about 15 times just in the last two weeks. Maybe the last firing actually stuck, because today NBC announced that Whoopi will start hosting Wheel next month.

Big changes are afoot for the show. Whoopi announced, “I’m going to fire Vanna White and replace her with a skimpily dressed hot guy. Because why not objectify a man for once after doing that to Vanna for 40 years?”

The name of the show will also change. Goodbye, Wheel of Fortune. Hello, Whoopi’s Wheel of White-Free Whimsicalities.


All contestants will be members of ethnic minorities, winners will be required to donate their prize money to Black Lives Matter, and the audience will salute a bust of Karl Marx before each taping. Sounds fun!


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