It seems like only yesterday that we heard of our beloved Rush Limbaugh’s Lung Cancer diagnosis. Unfortunately, we are heartbroken to report that Rush has succumb to the lung cancer. He died in his $9.2 million California home surrounded by friends and family.

His wife of two years said:

“It all just happened so fast. One minute he was breathing and the next minute he wasn’t.”

Dead. Lung cancer. Rush Limbaugh.

People are already leaving flowers at the gates of his mansion.

We would like to hold a moment of silence for the man who didn’t know what silence was.

Unfortunately, Rush was a prolific in the nuptial department, believing in the sacred union between man and woman, then woman again, then woman, and again, woman. With all of those ex-wives and wife, his fortune stands to take a mighty big hit. Fortunately, most of his friends aren’t in “low places” so a star-studded event has been planned to raise money to bury his corpse.

In addition to live entertainment, strawberry pie, all the vicodin you can eat and a pig roast, there will be a raffle. The prize?

A brand spanking new Smith & Wesson Model 1.

Ted Nugent said of the event:

“It’s really the least we could do for our dear friend. He fought the good fight against liberals for decades. Now, there is no more fitting thing than to hold a contest in which we give a gun away to any random individual who could toss in a buck or two. It’s the American way.”

The raffle will be held at the Elks Club at 5th and Market Street next Saturday at 4:15 p.m.



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