Beloved Chuck Woolery, retired gameshow host and now conservative mastermind, has died. The news of Woolery’s death has shaken a nation recovering from one crisis after another.

In fact, due to all of the chatter, Woolery’s death was not immediately known until his Twitter account was mysteriously just gone.

While few details are known at this time, let’s get to the details we know.

According to Woolery’s third ex-wife, twice removed, the pimp daddy who came into your homes at 11:30 p.m. on the WB making dreamy love connections in the 1990s in all of his misogynistic glory, was walking out to the stables to visit his favorite miniature pony, Winifred.

Yeah, bet you didn’t know of his loving devotion to mini ponies, did ya? Well, he loved them.

Chuck's Mini Horse Winifred
Chuck and Winifred riding the train in Connecticut.

As he was walking to Winifred’s stable, he saw an alarming sight — a coyote who was prowling around. At first, he just didn’t believe his eyes, and he was completely alone. Not a single person around to ask for help. Well, quickly the coyote, who was more afraid of him than he was of it, scampered away and Woolery made his way into Winifred’s stable.

That moment is when Woolery tripped over a lead and bit that one of the stable hands had left on the ground. Woolery went flying through the air and slammed into the stable door. This resulted in the door being left ajar.

Winifred, who has been held in captivity her entire life by the nutball Woolery, took the opportunity to bolt. She trampled the game show host, which resulted in his death.

In his will, Woolery gave his entire fortune to the Trump 2020 campaign — all $250H of it. His generosity abounds.

Of course, all of this comes after the Award-Winning “Love Connection” star said some really stupid things that were retweeted by President Trump.

It’s a well-known thing that you might as well be dead if you’re a has-been boomer who has only remained relevant by spouting off the dumbest of dumb on “the Twitter.” So, with the revelation about Woolery’s Twitter account, it’s safe to say that the wackjob we all came to enjoy, is Twitter dead. Thanks, Winifred, extra oats for you.

RIP Mr. Woolery. You will be missed.


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