Fake “President” Joe Biden issued a proclamation today cancelling all 4th of July fireworks nationwide. Talk about hating America!

How can he do that? All he had to do is follow in Trump’s footsteps and issue an executive order. With the stroke of a pen, he outlawed all fireworks for Independence Day.

“Fireworks are an environmental catastrophe. They’re also very loud and they bother my dog. And some guy named Cletus always blows up his trailer or loses a finger when his M-80 shoots its load too fast,” Biden’s order said.

Billy Joe Jimbob Snodgrass, mayor of Hell, Texas, got mighty hot under the collar when he heard this un-patriotical news.

“Blowing stuff up and lighting yer hair on fire on the Fourth of July is as ‘Murican as apple pie, standing for the flag, and lusting after your daughter named Ivanka. We’re gonna go ahead and keep doing all of that.”

Biden isn’t messing around, though. He said the penalty for shooing off fireworks on the 4th would be severe. Offenders will be deported immediately, without a trial. It’s kind of a right-winger’s wet dream — to punish people in un-American ways.

Happy Independence Day, patriots. Keep your fireworks holstered.


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